When is it okay for me to think differently?
To say how I feel about something?
When is it okay to express my self with out being ridiculed?
Why is that whenever I stand up for what I believe in you get mad?
"I want someone strong, someone confident, someone who knows themself..."
Bull.
You want someone that agrees with you. Someone who's going to always tell you you're right. Someone who takes all of your ideology and just goes along. Someone who will never say differently, think differently, or be different from you. Someone that will behave like you do, think like you do, act like you do, speak like you do.
That's not me.
I was raised differently. I was raised to live a Godly lifestyle. I was raised to seek and enjoy what is true, what is real, what is pure, what is right. Not what's perverse, vile, and a lie.
Am I perfect?
Of course not. I have my vices, I have my flaws. But that doesn't mean that I've completely strayed from what I was taught. My foundation won't let me waiver. I know what's right, even if I don't always act on it. I make mistakes, but I always try to fix them.
I don't try to fix you.
Yes, I suggest things. Yes, I tell you how I feel. But I ultimately leave the choice up to you. I can't decide for you. Do some of your choices hurt me inside? Yup. But that's something I have to swallow and accept or deal with it.
I cry. So what?
I am an expressive person. I express myself through art, through music, through words, through dance, through activity, through speech, through tears. I don't take it out with cussing, drinking, smoking, promiscuity, or any other thing that could harm me, harm you, harm us. When I feel something, I let it show. You may not like it, but its better than keeping it in. I need to release it. I need to have peace.
Let you be you.
That's what you want, that's what you get. I love you. I love who you are.
But I gotta be me too.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Friday, December 18, 2009
So...
In my family we were raised to give and to share. My siblings and I are the most giving people I know. We share everything. The only other people I know that are willing to give everything they have for someone else are the Smiths. None of us have any problem giving our last dollar, sharing the last slice of pizza, or literally giving the shirt of our back for each other. There has been countless times when all 10 of us were together and only 3 of us had money, so we put it together to buy some food to feed us all. It's never a problem to help each other out. It's never an issue, of "this is mine." I've never met anyone else with that same attitude. I've never met any one else willing to give everything they have without complaining about getting nothing back from it. The joy of giving. It's a wonderful feeling. At karate we call it giving value- ' doing something for someone else without expecting anything in return.' People forget that you have to give to receive. Not only is it a biblical principle, but it's standard in life. You have to be a friend to have a friend, you have to show love to get love, you have to spend money to make money. But yet when it comes to giving, people are so selfish. But the sad part is, they don't see it as selfish. They see it as "looking out for themselves." Doesn't the bible say "Am I my brothers keeper?" and the answer is yes. I guess the real problem is that people just don't follow biblical principles anymore. They don't have time. They'll do it later. They just don't believe.
People are so concerned about themselves. About their lives, about their money, about their time. Most people don't care about other people's lives. They believe that they do , but when it comes down to it, nobody else really matters to them. They don't care about who looks up to them, or about who they're decisions affect, or about who's life they could change. Sure, there are some important decisions that need to be made, even if they hurt some people, but that's not usually the case.
If I could, I would buy everybody I know a Christmas Present. I can't wait for the day that I'm able to. I wish I could buy everyone I love exactly what they wanted. I don't just mean my brothers, my sister, and my mom. I mean my aunts, uncles, cousins, students, boyfriend, classmates, teachers, friends, bus driver, Everyone! I love giving. I love knowing that I might have made a difference in someone's day.
Our group does shows all the time for no pay. We drive for hours, paying our own gas and buying our own food. It's not always easy. Matter of fact, most times its very hard. But that doesn't stop up. Sure, we would love to get paid. But its not a necessity. Knowing that we're using our talents exactly how God intended us to, knowing that we ministered to someone, knowing that we're where we're supposed to be is such a blessing. It's such a good feeling. We leave every show happy and excited. Tired as heck, but happy.
That's another thing. I am a happy person. My siblings are happy people. My best friends are happy people. Why? Christ. Plain and simple. We have peace that surpasses all understanding. We know that God is God and that He is in control. Sure, we might worry now and then but we get over it. We can sleep at night. We're not constantly angry or grumpy. We don't hold grudges. We let go. We love. Life isn't easy, but it's not impossible. I have an indomitable spirit. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm down sometimes. Sure, I stress out. My siblings and I argue. We disagree all the time. But its honestly usually over within a few hours- and that's a really, really long time. We can do that cause we have so much love in our hearts. It totally embodies us. It's so much more stressful to argue, to fight, to worry, then to just let it go and get along. We are best friends. We've done everything together and still do.
No, life hasn't always been easy. No, we're not rich. In fact, growing up we would come home from school not knowing if the power would be on that day. Not knowing if we would have water. There were times when we weren't sure if we would even eat that day. These are the times that brought us closer together. Every time the power came out, we played Monopoly. When there was no power and it was below freezing in the house we would all share a bed and a blanket, just to stay warm through the night. We played together, got in trouble together, laughed, cried, fought, and grew up. We went to church, sang in the choir, performed in the plays, went on tour, helped teach, slept on the pews, and did just about everything else a typical church kid does. We had fun. We had great childhoods.
to be continued....
In my family we were raised to give and to share. My siblings and I are the most giving people I know. We share everything. The only other people I know that are willing to give everything they have for someone else are the Smiths. None of us have any problem giving our last dollar, sharing the last slice of pizza, or literally giving the shirt of our back for each other. There has been countless times when all 10 of us were together and only 3 of us had money, so we put it together to buy some food to feed us all. It's never a problem to help each other out. It's never an issue, of "this is mine." I've never met anyone else with that same attitude. I've never met any one else willing to give everything they have without complaining about getting nothing back from it. The joy of giving. It's a wonderful feeling. At karate we call it giving value- ' doing something for someone else without expecting anything in return.' People forget that you have to give to receive. Not only is it a biblical principle, but it's standard in life. You have to be a friend to have a friend, you have to show love to get love, you have to spend money to make money. But yet when it comes to giving, people are so selfish. But the sad part is, they don't see it as selfish. They see it as "looking out for themselves." Doesn't the bible say "Am I my brothers keeper?" and the answer is yes. I guess the real problem is that people just don't follow biblical principles anymore. They don't have time. They'll do it later. They just don't believe.
People are so concerned about themselves. About their lives, about their money, about their time. Most people don't care about other people's lives. They believe that they do , but when it comes down to it, nobody else really matters to them. They don't care about who looks up to them, or about who they're decisions affect, or about who's life they could change. Sure, there are some important decisions that need to be made, even if they hurt some people, but that's not usually the case.
If I could, I would buy everybody I know a Christmas Present. I can't wait for the day that I'm able to. I wish I could buy everyone I love exactly what they wanted. I don't just mean my brothers, my sister, and my mom. I mean my aunts, uncles, cousins, students, boyfriend, classmates, teachers, friends, bus driver, Everyone! I love giving. I love knowing that I might have made a difference in someone's day.
Our group does shows all the time for no pay. We drive for hours, paying our own gas and buying our own food. It's not always easy. Matter of fact, most times its very hard. But that doesn't stop up. Sure, we would love to get paid. But its not a necessity. Knowing that we're using our talents exactly how God intended us to, knowing that we ministered to someone, knowing that we're where we're supposed to be is such a blessing. It's such a good feeling. We leave every show happy and excited. Tired as heck, but happy.
That's another thing. I am a happy person. My siblings are happy people. My best friends are happy people. Why? Christ. Plain and simple. We have peace that surpasses all understanding. We know that God is God and that He is in control. Sure, we might worry now and then but we get over it. We can sleep at night. We're not constantly angry or grumpy. We don't hold grudges. We let go. We love. Life isn't easy, but it's not impossible. I have an indomitable spirit. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm down sometimes. Sure, I stress out. My siblings and I argue. We disagree all the time. But its honestly usually over within a few hours- and that's a really, really long time. We can do that cause we have so much love in our hearts. It totally embodies us. It's so much more stressful to argue, to fight, to worry, then to just let it go and get along. We are best friends. We've done everything together and still do.
No, life hasn't always been easy. No, we're not rich. In fact, growing up we would come home from school not knowing if the power would be on that day. Not knowing if we would have water. There were times when we weren't sure if we would even eat that day. These are the times that brought us closer together. Every time the power came out, we played Monopoly. When there was no power and it was below freezing in the house we would all share a bed and a blanket, just to stay warm through the night. We played together, got in trouble together, laughed, cried, fought, and grew up. We went to church, sang in the choir, performed in the plays, went on tour, helped teach, slept on the pews, and did just about everything else a typical church kid does. We had fun. We had great childhoods.
to be continued....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
